Ooo! Scary! The MARK of the beast. ha.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MY REIGN IS UPON US! KNEEL BEFORE ME, PUNY HUMANS! Yes, my birthday carries the mark of the beast. So does that of many millions of others. Still, people recoil in fear when they see my I.D (and not from the photo . . . I think.) On this day of the beast, it is appropriate to address some blasphemy about horror films from some puny human, Brittney. Most of them, let's be honest, are waste of celluloid. No, really, let’s be honest. Waste? Where’s Mr. Pink when you need him? Back me up, cuzzin! (actually he’s probably working like I should be) What about movies like: The 70’s era post Vietnam, post Watergate national paranoia zeitgeist-ers like: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (orig) NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD DAWN OF THE DEAD (orig) THE SHINING THE EXORCIST ROSEMARY’S BABY DEAD ZONE (and SCANNERS and all the other Cronenbergs from this period) ALIEN THE THING (a remake that was as good as the original) THE OMEN WICKER MAN INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS The 80’s brought Regan era hedonism backlash slasher flicks: FRIDAY the 13th HALLOWEEN NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET APRIL FOOLS DAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME THE STEPFATHER HELLRAISER The Mavericks: EVIL DEAD SUSPIRIA PHENOMENA PHANTASM CANDYMAN SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW Camp Camp: AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON SCREAM EVIL DEAD 2 NIGHT OF THE CREEPS RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM FRIGHT NIGHT THE GREEN SLIME Meta: DRACULA: PAGES FROM A VIRGIN’S DIARY To the East, Blackwards RINGU UZUMAKI AUDITION GOZU KWAIDAN CURE MEMENTO MORI (Korea) VITAL EVIL DEAD TRAP TETSUO TAIL OF TWO SISTERS GOJIRA THE UNTOLD STORY The classics: Do I really need to list them? In this new century, more than ever the Wu-Tang’s C.R.E.A.M. doctrine applies to Hollywoof. So, we get remakes and sequels and the remakes get their own sequels. Even the most inventive, like Wong’s FINAL DESTINATION or Roth’s HOSTEL are based on tried and true formulas slightly updated to showcase the “talents” of the UPN actors that populate horror flicks. Victor Salva, turning his personal demons into decent films, could continue to create interesting work.

Happy Birthday Dear Gandalf, Happy Birthday to meeeeee

HAHA! Tomorrow’s my birthday! I turn . . . OLD. It is a milestone, though I will be celebrating most likely by watching TV or something. However, if you want to make a dork happy, here are some birthday present suggestions: Adidas originals old school Japan soccer team jersey. Number 7 or 10. Matching track jacket would be nice . . . Okay, don’t want to spend dollars on Nip-pon? How about this snazzy retro Netherlands world cup t? Of course, Tar Heels Represent! Wow, this DVD box set of Japanese classic films looks damn good. Maybe you can get one for yourself, too! That is, if you have a region free DVD player. I’m pretty happy with mine, however, I could always use a new player . . . especially if someone got me a new TV! Okay, those are pipe dreams, mostly. Not even Santy Claus brought me a new TV. But I will need something to eat in front of my plain old tiny little miserable flat tube. I like popcorn. I really like caramel corn even though my dentist made me swear off it. Maybe this kettle corn would be a good substitute? Or really, ANY kettle corn that is not from Pop Secret or Orville Reddenbloogledongle. Anything you don’t have to microwave. I tend to get music free. So CDs are kinda out, unless you have a pipeline to Japan and can shuttle me over, oh, this, or this, or maybe that. Ooh, or this! However, I do need a place to keep my 500 plus and growing collection, not to mention all the DVDs I have. Somehow a huge box of VHS cassettes got lost when I moved a couple of years ago. Actually, the best birthday present would be for someone to come over to my place and empty all the boxes in my new apartment . . . . talk about a pipe dream . . .